It would have never made it on “Platinum Wedding” or “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?” It would have never graced the pages of any wedding magazine, nor was in announced in the New York Times. It was a simple celebration.

Sharon and Steve got married in a small country church with the reception held on its lawn. They sent out Evite invitations and requested their guests bring food to share. It was a potluck affair. There was no orchestra or impressive DJ, just someone’s mp3 player playing a variety of songs over a loudspeaker. They also asked that no one bring gifts. They treasured our presence, not our presents. Despite the fact that it didn’t’ have a 5 or 6 digit budget, it was perhaps one of the most lovely weddings that I’ve attended.

In today’s society, it is unfortunate that a wedding - a commitment celebration - is lauded based upon the price tag of the event. How did we get here? Growing up as a farm girl, the weddings and receptions that I attended were potlucks held in the church’s basement or someone’s backyard. We were simple people with modest incomes. My parents, their friends and their children who married would have never gone into debt to finance a wedding, nor would they have let it become more expensive than a hefty down payment on a house. It was the beginning after all. Not the end all.

I was thinking today of my old assistant’s wedding. Before she married, we use to laugh and talk about all the “tacky” weddings that I attended (and I’ve been to quite a few). But I now realize that what I described wasn’t tacky, it was simply those things that would cause a wedding planner to turn up their nose, be it the menu, venue or décor faux pas. Once my assistant returned from her honeymoon, she asked my opinion of her wedding. I shared my honest thoughts. It was beautiful, special and a wonderful event. She breathed a sigh of relief and said something that I will never forget. “I’m so glad. All I kept thinking while I was planning this is that I don’t want Neenah to find anything tacky.” Is that what we’ve done? We’ve shamed the bride and groom into throwing a lavish event that is far too excessive and not worthy of so much time, energy and resources. If only our marriages would get so much attention. That lightbulb moment a few years back did change my perception of nuptials. I’ve stopped being so critical of weddings because the shame was really on me.

Well, I know where I can't find him—he was definitely absent from week 15. I was so bored out of my mine from looking this week that I wanted to scream. Well, actually I did but it was inside my head and it doesn't feel as good when you keep it inside. I need a new, fun dating gimmick, but I’m plum out of ideas.

So my week started off with Wendy Williams. Check out my earlier post on that experience.

As a result, over the next 5 days I received about 50 or 60 emails. Mostly from women and 2 from people who submitted their profiles. One profile was from a woman looking for her husband. (I'm not sure why people are confused about my profile page).

Anyway, no response from the 2 guys that I sent emails to last week. Not a big surprise. As I’ve said before, making the first move doesn't work too well for me.

So, a couple of online emails started and ended this week. I think guys will wink or email you during a period where they have a free membership and then it expires and that's why you don't hear from them again. At first I found it frustrating, but now it just rolls off. In the past, I've had a couple of guys tell me that they paid for membership just to communicate with me. It’s flattering.

My speed dating plans for Saturday got cancelled. 8-Minute Date does offer the courtesy of cancelling your reservation if there’s an imbalance for the men to women ratio. Much better than my 5-minute date experience with 15 women and 5 men.

I'm thinking of suspending my current 3 online dating websites next month and signing up with 3 different ones. It certainly can’t hurt. Many ladies emailed me with suggested ones that worked for them. So I’ll give them a try.

I went on a new medicine a couple of months ago - weight gain is a side effect - and I discovered this week that I gained 6 lbs over the last month, despite the fact that I exercise 6 times a week. It sure feels like life hates me sometimes

September is almost over, which means I only have 3 days to find him in order to even remotely know whether he's "the one." How about dropping him right into my lap, God? You’ve done greater miracles, so this should be a piece of cake.

My ex called me this weekend at a vulnerable time, but I stood strong.

I survived the Wendy Williams show. I’m really annoyed at myself for thinking of it this way. When they called me to be on the show, I hesitated and delayed things, partly because although I never listened that often to her radio program, I was familiar with Wendy by reputation. From what I heard, she was an in your face radio personality. She interviewed a lot of celebs, especially musical artists, and talked badly of them whether they were in her studio on not.

Well, I certainly didn’t want to get on her TV show and be criticized. I get enough of that by email and on the internet. But I also knew it was a wonderful opportunity to give an update on how my search is going and revive the journey. So I was torn. How will I be treated by Wendy?

Don’t you hate it when you work yourself up with all the bad scenarios that could possibly happen until you get to the point where you utterly dread something? Then that thing you dreaded takes place and it was fine after all. What a waste of negative energy.

All my fears were put to rest. Wendy was so incredibly sweet and her staff was amazing. I can’t imagine that they treat their celebs any nicer than they treated me. Joelle and Dan were awesome. I had a great time with D’Angelo in the makeup room, Brandon on the floor, and everyone else was simply divine.

Also, I’ve been on the set of a lot of talk shows, both local and national. I’ve never seen a studio audience have more fun. First of all, it’s literally a dance party a half hour before the live show. They clear the set and invite the studio audience to come on down and dance, where a live DJ mixes all the new and old-school hits.

Wendy is also a fashionista and loves the glitz and glam, so the audience dressed the part. I was in awe at all the 5 inch heels I saw. And, they’re a young crowd. I’d say 20s and early 30s. So I felt like an old lady there trying to boogy down.

Behind the scenes scoop – On the set there are 2 big body guards that follow Wendy everywhere. They had looks that could kill, but I swear I saw one smile at one point. TV doesn’t do Wendy justice. She’s actually so much prettier in person and smaller than what you would think for a 6 foot woman. Also, when Wendy called me over to talk with her at the beginning of the program, I really believe she was nervous. Not about me, of course. But there was a bit of a quiver in her smile. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I think she still gets nervous each time she goes on stage. It was so endearing for me to see, and immediately made me feel more comfortable around her. On a different note, I was so impressed by how many African American staff members were around. You don’t often see that behind the scenes, even when the star is black. So kudos, Wendy. And thanks for a fabulous time. How you doin’.

How have I filled week 16? Let’s cut to the chase, I still haven’t found him. I did start email conversations with 4 men from different dating websites. I gave one guy my number, after we both agreed that extended email exchanges were not what we wanted out of online dating. That was 5 days ago. I haven’t heard from him. The other guys, I’m not too eager about but I’m keeping an open mind. I’m not sure exactly what that means other than I haven’t written them off just yet, but I’m close. This week I’ve also been furiously shopping for my appearance on the Wendy Williams Show. She’s big on style and they tell you to dress fun, sexy and stylish. Oh wait. I also should mention that you have to bring an extra outfit just in case. Well, I don’t have one, let alone two, that I think are quite right, so I’ve spent 2 evenings at the mall and other stores and have found nothing. I’ll also spend several hours today at the stupid mall. This is frustrating and annoying because although I love fashionable clothing, I HATE to shop. Where’s an affordable stylish who can work miracles when you need one?

Also this week, I put a notice out saying I want to hear from people who got married after 40. I love hearing people’s stories. It’s my way of encouraging me. I went to a wedding on Saturday of two people over 40. That’ll keep me hopeful for at least another month. Anyway, I’ve talked to 2 couples who saw my notice and have several more to contact. I’m going to post some of their highlights (the ups and downs) of marrying after 40. Let me know if you fit the bill or forward this to anyone you think would be interested in sharing their story with me.

I also ran into someone I was attracted to at an event. We actually met each other before and there was something about him even back then that I found appealing. We have a mutual friend. The first time we met, he told my friend that he was interested and asked for the number. Unfortunately, it wasn’t me he was talking about but another one of her friends. Well at the event this week we only had a brief conversation and I thought there was a shared “moment.” I’ve been delusional before. I had to leave early, so I didn’t get a chance to talk with him again. He knows how to reach me, if I should be the person he’s interested in now. Yes. I know I can ask my friend for HIS info, but making the first move (which I’ve done on more than a few occasions) has never worked out for me. I won’t say I’ll never make the first move again, but this doesn’t feel like one of those times to give it another try.

Well work was stressful, but exciting and the whole TV thing has been stressful. After all, I have no idea what Wendy will say. And my future husband may be watching. As a result of so much stress, I feel zits forming on my chin even after I got a chemical peel. Life can be annoying sometimes. Only 15 weeks to go. Where are you and I hope you don’t mind a gal with adult, chin acne!

I’m looking to talk with couples who were married after they turned 40 years old – and are still married! Let me know if you’d be willing to give me a half-hour of your time, either by phone or in person. I’ll ask only 5 questions (It’s not a consistent list. They’ll vary for each couple). I want to hear your live and love story and share it on my website.

If interested, you can email me directly at info@52weeks2findhim.com

At least one-hour of prep time, sometimes more depending on how much work my hair needs. At times it will require a shopping trip (which I dread), so that’s another 2-hours, along with about $100 for the outfit or fabulous accent. Plus, add 90-minutes and $70, should I get my hair professionally done. And, I haven’t even figured in the travel time. Yes, it can take great pain-staking effort and resources to get ready for 1 date!

So along comes Speed Dating, and in one night I can squeeze in anywhere from 8 – 15 men. How’s that for time management, cost-cutting methods? That’s one of the reasons why I love Speed Dating. I went to my fourth Speed Dating event on Saturday. This far exceeded the last one.

When I hate Speed Dating: A couple of weeks ago I went to one where there were 15 women and 5 men. One of those men left after telling the organizer that this many women was too overwhelming (I personally think we all dodged a bullet with him). Now we’re down to 4. The saving grace during the evening was my iphone which allowed me to update my Facebook friends over the course of the evening. My friends humored me while I patiently waited my turn. During one round, one guy had the audacity to take one look at me and walked pass my table to the next one. He obviously felt I wasn’t worth 5-minutes of his time. Although it was inexcusably rude, I’m sure I’m better off for not having to speak with him. So now I was down to 3. All three gentlemen were nice, interesting and cute. I enjoyed their company and I think they enjoyed mine – all 5-minutes of it. I didn’t feel butterflies, nor were there fireworks, but I didn’t expect those things to show up. When I got home I raced to input my results, letting the organizer know that I’d be interested in seeing each one again. I waited an additional day to see the results. It was all bad news! None of the guys indicated they want to see me. I was disappointed but brushed my shoulder off and moved pass it all.

Now for Saturday’s event: A totally different vibe. It had about 50 men for 50 women. They were from different age groups, so they weren’t all within my category, but that was still an amazing number of guys. There was time for mingling and then the dating began. I had the pleasure of meeting 9 men for 8-minutes. It was good conversation and loads of fun. I really tried to be honest with myself and decide who I wanted to see a second time. Out of the 9, I chose 2 guys. After returning home, I entered my information. The next day I checked for the results – no matches. I thought perhaps they haven’t had time to add their information, so I should check again on Monday. Once again – no matches.

Argh! Oh when, oh when will I have another second date? It’s been ions. Hair, makeup, clothing all the while being on my best behavior hasn’t paid off so far.

But you know what… hours and hours of my time and a pocketful of money will truly be worth it when I meet “him” one fine day.

I was listening to this speaker and he was talking about oil and vessels and without going into detail, he was describing one way to pursue those things you want or need is by looking at what you have of value and then increasing it by increasing your capacity (or container) for it. It was sort of “if you build it, they will come” theory.

I know this sounds confusing and I can’t explain it the way that he did. But an example he used was water. Let’s say you want greener pastures, but your grass is dry and brown. You have water, but it’s only an 8 ounce cup of it. To get greener pastures you simply have to have more water. But you can’t get more water unless you get a bigger cup or acquire more cups. You’ll always be limited unless you increase your capacity.

So I was thinking about my “him” of course and if that could somehow apply. Here's what I got so far...

Desire:
Greener Pastures = Finding a Husband

What I Have of Value:
Water = Family & Friends Relationships(?)
Water = My amazing lips and legs(?)
Water = Wisdom from others(?)

Capacity:
Bigger or More Cups = Having more friends and family, plastic surgery, maybe more dating books or words of wisdom?????????

That doesn’t seem like the right formula, so I’m kind of stuck. Any ideas on what the variables could or should be?

I was recently rejected by Dr. Phil—for the 2nd time. I guess I should take it as a compliment. Once I learned he was looking for crazy women who would do anything to get married, I am happy that his producers evaluated that I don’t fit within their criteria. But when I first starting getting phone calls from them, I was excited. After getting bumped from the Oprah show in April, I thought, “This is great. Dr. Phil to the rescue.” But I also had to wonder, was getting national attention my goal or was it to find a husband?

I guess my answer is both. When you speak with these talk show producers, they ask you a gazillion questions about your story, as they should, because they don’t want you saying one thing over the phone and then another when the cameras are rolling. They also want to get to the heart of the message for that particular segment. But when you have single women on the show, the message tends to be “one note.” Let’s find out what’s wrong with her. However, do singles perhaps deserve a different type of national attention?

To be fair to Dr. Phil, I think he has built an empire on fixing people. So to focus on what’s wrong with singles is in line with all of his shows whether it’s an episode about careers, marriage, parenting or money. We are not perfect people and could all use advice when trying to improve our lives, so I don’t find fault with Dr. Phil for providing that advice. I just wished there was a different recording that was played by the media, every now and again.

When dispensing advice to singles, Dr. Phil talks about that recording (tapes) we hear in our head that plays a negative internal dialogue. One such recording says, “singles are broken and they need to be fixed if they want to find that significant other” So I wonder if he and other members of the media are contributing to that negative internal dialogue?

I’m a woman with many flaws. I could list them for you, really I could. But are my flaws greater than my friends who are married? And is flawlessness really a prerequisite for finding love?

As a 40-something, never-married women who would love to meet the man I could spend the rest of my life with, I certainly hope I’m allowed to one day stop beating myself up over all the reasons my imperfections have hindered my marriage prospects. Perhaps Dr. Phil, you could help with that internal dialogue.

I went on a date this week with a guy who asked me something I’ve never been asked before on a first date. He said, “Do you want to have kids?” It’s not particularly alarming question under normal circumstances. But it wasn’t a discussion I had planned to have on a first date. Besides, most people that you meet online generally know the answer. Almost every dating website includes one or all of the following questions: Do you have kids? Do you want kids? Are you open to people who have kids?

I’ll admit, if you look at my online profile, my answer to the middle question is vague. I give the “not sure” or “open” without offering more clarification. As I mentioned several times on my blog, I’m open to having kids, but at my age, it probably won’t happen biologically.

It wasn’t a discussion I wanted to have on a first date. I’d much rather figure out if I even like you before we talk about our offspring. But since he asked, and I’m not one for mincing words, I answered. By the look on his face, he didn’t much care for my answer. But we both put it behind us and had an enjoyable conversation for the rest of the time. Since then, I haven’t heard from him. Not a big surprise. But it made me realize a few things. One was a startling revelation.

I’m a bit embarrassed to say that it wasn’t something I thought much about. Now I think, duh, it explains a lot. I’ve stated before that when I turned 40, the number of suitors decreased drastically. I’d say where I had maybe 8 or more men contact me a month, when I turned 40 it decreased to 1 or 2 and steadily declined. What I realize now is that 40 was so magical (or so unattractive) because for those men who still have hopes of having children, you don’t want to start a relationship with a 40 year old. More than half of the men who were asking me out did want to have children. But we all know the state of the eggs of someone my age. So my pool decreased. Yes. I can see many of you shaking your heads and saying, I can’t believe you didn’t think of this before. I guess I’m little slow on the uptake. There was another realization that happened as a result of this date.

I should be a little more selective myself concerning who I agree to see. If a man clearly states in his profile that he wants kids, especially if he doesn’t have any, he may not be the best selection for me. It’s like me agreeing to see a man who says he wants a woman “fit and trim.” I exercise 5 times a week, but I know what he’s really saying is, “I want someone who is a size 2.”

I have several friends in relationships where he wants kids and she doesn’t, and he wants kids, but she can’t have them. It’s a difficult situation no matter why you find yourself facing that challenge with your partner. I’m very comfortable with who I am and what I bring to a relationship. I also have to be realistic about what I’m offering, as well. So I actually learned quite a bit from an awkward moment during a date. Perhaps I’ll suggest to Match.com to add the question, how viable are your eggs or sperm. It will save us all from future awkward moments.

In my video below I describe the results of my “Trading Online Places” challenge. This experiment was fun, interesting and helpful in so many ways. It reminds me of what these last 34 weeks have been like. But I haven’t found “him” and it brings up the question, can the journey be fun, interesting and helpful when you’re not successful at attaining your goal? If you’re hoping to become a lawyer, but keep failing the bar; if you’re hoping to become a parent; but the pregnancy tests read negative, if you’re hoping to find a job, but your phone never rings--- what should you do? Unless you’re ready to give up - and there’s certainly nothing wrong with giving up in a particular area and changing your goal – but if you’re not ready to do that, than I’d have to echo the words of someone I’d never thought I’d quote… Miley Cyrus: “It’s all about the climb.”

I am determined to enjoy this journey, no matter how silly or fruitless others may think it be. A friend asked me the other day, “aren’t you just ready to give up?” In my head, I’ve said “yes” a million times over the last 34 weeks. But there are 3 reasons I know I’ve stuck it out this long: 1st because I’m a goal oriented person and deadlines really do make a difference, 2nd because I have so many people, who through email or in person, are encouraging me, and finally because I really am having the best time. So, what’s next for me is to do as Hannah Montana suggested, “keep the faith.”