I am getting ready to call this guy back. His name is Cain (not really). I met him online (of course! I meet all my guys online). Anyway, he has such a sweet face in his photo, very calming and safe. This is the first time I will speak with him by phone. I’m nervous. It’s hard enough finding a guy I’m attracted to through their profile and emails, but phone really knocks many men out of the picture. I hate the fact that this next step that could potentially bring things to a halt! I’m not sure how long I’m supposed to give it. They say there is a two date rule. That you go out with a guy for at least two dates because the first date might have just been an off time for you or him. (I’m over that, by the way. It was a nice rule for the 20s and 30s, but I’ve never gone on a mercy second date where I’ve wanted a third). But what about the phone call? Is there a two-time rule for that too? Actually, what I am doing right now is stalling. I am supposed to call him back but I am stalling. I hate this (but a part of me is so grateful that there is even someone to call). Okay, I still hate this, but here I go…

A couple of weeks ago someone emailed me and asked my advice about her boyfriend who prefers to text while she prefers to talk on the phone. I smugly gave her my reply. And then as my response was still hanging in the air, one of the guys I dated (and liked) text me to ask me out on a second date.

I know time is running out and Lord knows I can’t expect perfection, but is wanting a guy to pick up the phone and call too much to ask?

With the woman who previously emailed me for my opinion, I shared I had a similar scenario happen a while back. That particular guy was into texting where as I used text to disseminate and gather impersonal information. So we were in two different communication worlds. However, he never asked me out on text, just preferred to communicate at other times that way. We talked about it and came to a compromise. No fuss. No muss.

My text date obviously took things a step further. His romantic request consisted of “do u want 2 see me again?” I tried to sound upbeat and interested in my text and also teased him about not calling. He seemed to take it well. But two days later, he text me again, this time to make plans for the date.

I really didn’t want to get annoyed. After all I like the guy, but I don’t really know him, so the last thing I want to do is get uptight about a petty text. So I did the Jay-Z thing and brushed my shoulders off and went with the flow. We actually had a fun text exchange that lasted for some time, also intermittently between our “you’re cute. No, you’re cute” communication, we tried to make plans for the date, working out the day of the week and the time that would work for us both. But there was so much back and forth between schedules and witty banter that by the time the texting ended (around midnight), I had no idea if or when we were going out.

That next morning, I re-read the last text from the previous evening, which was from him and said simply, “ok”. Does that mean, “okay we’re all set to meet on Friday,” or “no. that doesn’t work. Let’s make it a different time?” The weekend was quickly approaching and I had no idea if I was going on a date with him. So I made other plans, which could have easily been altered if he called to confirm.

As it turned out, the “ok” meant that we were going to choose a different day. I didn’t find this out until Saturday, by the way of a text, of course!

I’m a 40-something single, who texts only a small percentage of what the average teen or 20-something does. But am I being too old-fashioned to want the guy to pick up the phone to ask me out?

There is a recent article, ‘What Single Women Can Learn From Michelle’ by Jenée Desmond-Harris, that appears on The Root and The Huffington Post websites. It focused on Michelle Obama and her ability to pick a husband. But the article primarily highlights all the ‘still single’ women and our inability to get it right. As much as I’m trying to spend this year learning how find a husband and have a healthy marriage, I cringe every time someone makes the leap to say that simply because someone is married (even when you marry a great guy), it must mean they received an A+ in Relationship 101.

Not every woman who is single is so because of all that she's done wrong. If making all the right relationship decisions were a prerequisite for marriage, there would be no couples before us. I think every adult has had those moments where we wondered if we've let a good one pass us by, but because the statistics of African American singles are so staggering, I think it has less to do with our list of standards and more to do with a host of issues and concerns that plague our history. African American women, and singles in general, often find themselves in a no-win situation where our critics are concerned. We're told our standards are too high (according to this article) and also criticized for not having high enough standards (according to popular authors like Steve Harvey). Perhaps if the focus was less on pointing fingers and more on encouraging examples and uplifting commentary, we'd fare better. I know I don't have it all figured out. As a 40-something, never married, African American, I do desire to be in a committed relationship, but I won't shoulder all the blame for not obtaining my goal. We live in a messed up world and even when you do make all the right decisions, things can still turn out wrong. Considering half of all marriages end in divorce, I'd say we're not the only ones with a lot to learn.

I’m hoping and praying Charlie (not his real name) doesn’t follow my blogs, because spoiler ahead -- I was pleasantly surprised and how much I’ve enjoyed the date. He was a guy that contacted me through one of the other dating websites. I was interested, but his profile didn’t tell me much about him. But there was something sexy about him that I couldn’t put my finger on. We only spoke briefly a couple of times on the phone and exchanged a couple of text. He seemed a little distant and preoccupied, so it didn’t exactly build the excitement, but I agreed to the date anyway. But that initial nudge paid off. We had fun, easy, relaxed conversation. That sexiness that caught my attention was a confident, take charge kind of personality without being arrogant. Since he may be reading, I won’t go into details about the date, only to say, I’m hoping for a 2nd one. On the day that one date cancelled for later in the week, it was nice that this date ended positively (BTW, despite the rain, my hair turned out fine!)

Two dates this week and Doubt decides to make a house call. Typical! I usually see him peering around the corner, throwing darts of blame, or sometimes he’s hovering above, with drops of failure. And there are days when he is bold enough to walk right in, carrying self-loathing with him. I cower in fear as though I’m powerless.

Now it's about my weight and how disgusting I feel, also pointing fingers and finding fault in the men, and there’s complete paranoia concerning my ability to form a relationship -- anything to sabotage the first meeting. Yes. Impeccable timing, Doubt has. But if he thinks he gets to stick around for the actual dates, he better think again. So help me kick his sorry behind. What do you do when battling Doubt?